Tomorrow it begins. My grand scheme to not look like a slim girl in clothes and an out of shape beached whale when shoved into a bikini. As the past two years held a lot of good and a lot of bad, all of it made me very, very sedentary. I perfected sedentary, if I am good at anything it’s knowing how to sit like a champion. I changed my career after over a decade in business that I hated beyond belief. That was an amazing adventure but also one perched in front of a computer researching, writing papers, messaging my classmates. I got a good job in my new career but I also spend 50% of my time in the car traveling and when I arrive at my destination I tend to sit more. Helping care for my mom sure I ran around a lot but that was the most of my exercise honestly. I also quit smoking and although that wonderful act doesn’t make you gain weight, when you supplement with snacking it definitely does. I am a huge proponent of the patch, by the way. It was the one thing this 15 year smoker never ever thought would work and it did. I love to feel confident, I love being active so this year I am taking myself, my life, my confidence back and I am starting a total body boot camp tomorrow – four days a week for seven weeks, an hour a day, kickboxing, yoga, strength training, and zumba (sorry to my future classmates, it may not be pretty). I have a yen to be a part of something, a community, and I always knew I needed an obligation to get me off the couch and this was a perfect fit. It was no amazing expense either, my sister’s township sponsors it so the cost was minimal for what you get. Even better, I get to hang with my sister four days a week. I took pictures today in my target bikini (don’t worry I will totally spare you and myself), WOW if there is any other motivation to get in shape is to see yourself plump and bloated in a bathing suit. Sorry body, I am so making this up to you, sorry I embarrassed you. After seven weeks I plan to continue a few of the classes and get running again too, maybe 5k in my future?
Resurgence November 11, 2012
So it’s been a heck of a year. I lost my young cousin in August and that drags on as his killers are being tried for the crime. My mother just passed away a few weeks ago. We were clobbered by a couple storms. All that being said, I oddly feel a sense of calm and well, resurgence, is the only word I can really think of. I know life is what you make of it and I know now I have to make something of it. I’m going to start taking care of me as well – mind, body, and soul. Today, I started my morning with a 35 minute walk/run on my treadmill and wow, that’s why I’m a little soft around the middle. Funny how just a teeny bit of exercise shows why you’re not the way you want to be there, and there, and oh yeah, there. It is my goal to get at least a 30-something beach-ready body by the time we go on vacation. Oh yeah, vacation, another thing my husband and I decided we needed to do for ourselves this coming year and we booked but because of our luck, Hurricane Sandy took out the town. What luck didn’t account for is resilience. My resilience, my husband’s, and the resilience of strong, determined people. My mother would never have wanted us to be defeated.
Working my Way Back September 24, 2012
So it’s been quite a while since I posted. Well, I admit, I mentally and emotionally crashed. I am disappointed in myself that I let that happen but knowing I have seen even the strongest people crash now and then, I feel hopeful and ok with letting myself wallow for a little while. Mourning and grief are normal and natural, I have to remember that. Since my cousin was murdered in the beginning of August, my life seemed to nose-dive. Two of my uncles were diagnosed with cancers that are not treatable. My dog needed surgery. I was in a minor car accident. My mother’s myelodysplasia (MDS) was upgraded to acute leukemia and she’s been in and out of the hospital. She also requires a lot of help that of course I am so happy I am able to supply it. Everything just seemed/seems to go wrong lately and I began to learn things that were sad and unpleasant – I learned that I have been wrong for a long time about people I thought I knew so well and I am very disappointed in who they are. I hope they can find some spiritual guidance to help them become who they are capable of being. I am certainly not perfect and now is a time I am taking to also improve.
I was listening to a podcast today about Zen and Buddhist Dharma hosted by Zencast.org entitled “Practice Simplicity.” I found so much comfort in its insight. Gil Fronsdal introduced me (and his audience) to a tremendously important Buddhist instruction to, “Set your mind at ease, and notice what takes away from that.” It’s one of the hardest things to do – to set your mind at ease. But it is easier to see what takes away from ease – these people who are purposefully hurting others and are not who I thought they were. The only problem with this instruction is that’s the end of it. So… what do we do about what takes away from our ease? There’s nothing more, no more instruction. Fronsdal also noted that issue but said this instruction in itself is difficult, so to start – just “notice.” Notice the moment, don’t react to it, don’t let your mind do anything about it, just notice. So as I listened to this program as I drove, I practiced and noticed something that made me really, truly smile and appreciate the beauty of everything – the leaves are changing colors. Even walking to my car this morning I pulled a couple leaves stuck on the back of my car and STILL didn’t notice the leaves were changing. So from today on out I will track one beautiful thing each day as I do nothing else but “notice.” Today: the leaves are changing.